Do better Paul
I’ve been working on my attitude lately. Throughout various periods of my life I’ve found myself faced with the situation of feeling like I’m a good worker, but realizing all would be better served if I do more. For me that usually means those Latter Day Saint commercials from my childhood creep into my thinking.
What are the things that provoke us to do better? Is it a reaction to something? “I have to lose weight cause I look and feel fat.” Can it be an action that is not a reaction to something? I’m not sure… What is an action of the self, that is not in response to one's enviornment. I think it is possible (I’m hedging my bets here,) but probably it is usually a reaction.
I want to feel better.
I resent usually when I feel like I’m putting this energy forward and others aren’t. It still benefits me to put the energy forward. I ultimately feel better and make the others around me feel better. The debt of whether or not they change at all or just also benefit from my behavior is what usually stops me from acting sooner.
If I think about it from a thoughtful and not emotional place I should just tweak my attitude and do it, end of story; as they say.
In the past this has always worked splendidly, people respond to it with a little incredulity, but reinvention isn’t subtle. The caterpillar doesn’t come out of chrysalis as a earth worm. A little sausage with plenty of feet and spikey fur turns into a winged creature. It isn’t even the ridiculous visual of say a dragon, all lizard with wings. This slow crawly thing becomes something else. No, people notice when you change your attitude, it is a situation that doesn’t go unnoticed.
Epilogue…
It isn’t really about me doing “more”. It is about me not being resentful of what I am doing. Shovel that shit with a smile sir. And it isn’t even shit, I don’t even care about the amount of work. Sometimes work is frustrating just cause of how we go about doing things.
