Work…

I’ve been professionally and personally musing on what it means to work full time and then also run a business.

The time consumed really absorbs all of your life and whatever it is that amounts to balance is up to you.

And the truth is there is no balance, or at least, if you work all the time, the only thing you can hope for is to not feel like you just work.

But when you’re working to hit numbers, the balance in my case is succeeding at the loads of effort required to pull everything off, in addition to feeling good about life, while not spending all of the money to self soothing from the amount of life energy that goes into work.

Is that balance? No, at best that is juggling. And I could go at impulse power. I could just make say 75k a year and not worry about it. But if i can press in and make 130k, should I leave the money behind?

I can gamble with my timeline and what I mean by that is that I can tell myself I have ten years left to live and my partner has twenty years left to live. Maybe those numbers are wrong though. Maybe she’ll go before me, maybe I’ll live long. Maybe we both go out in five. What is the right answer?

I think I make all the money and do my best to enjoy myself no matter how i cope with it. I am coming out of a work hard and fuck off kinda moderately but way consistently vibe. I’m trying to go into a more hollistic living, while grinding phase. And I don’t mind that, I just don’t want to feel like I’m grinding. I don’t mind the crushing pressure of work, i just don’t want it to eat at me. And if I’m going to frankly go through it a very sober like way, I want my spirit and conscious to feel good.