There are no rules to relationships. We think there are rules but it’s a lie, we hope that we know what’s gonna go down, that it’ll be a either a typical relationship, good, bad, ugly, up and down. But really, except for those people who have the uncanny ability to pick the same type of person each time, it’s a chance encounter.  So we try to learn from our past relationships, we try to learn from our hurts and pains and this too changes the playing field. It’s near impossible to see new relationships neutrally, the baggage and disappointment of old relationships always come around to haunt your new significant other. 

So eventually we insulate. We shield ourselves. We do everything possible to not have repeat occurrences.  We mock the paranoid and the bomb shelter Y2K folk, but everyday, we store and squirrel away precious parts of ourselves, until eventually, relationships come as a strange encounter of not what you hope for, but what you don’t want.  Our gun-shy instincts play enough havoc on our desire and sense of self, that the relationship is secondary to our safety.  So we stare nervously outside the blinds of our personal life and occasional snatch mail from the postman or deliveries from the guy with the ratty car and bad acne.  So we still wear the number and still consider ourselves members of society, but in that strange isolated “me against the world” mentality. 

I went through a slew of relationships where I trusted the people I was involved in and I either felt emotionally or intellectually betrayed.  So I stumbled from relationship to relationship, each time bitterly extolling on the person exactly what I would give and exactly how I feared the relationship would end.  It was so much a drag that these relationships, which might have developed into pleasant and satisfying experiences, turned into dry self-prophecy.  I knew what I wanted to give and it was little to nothing, cause I had to insulate myself and look over my shoulder. Every attempt to develop a more intimate relationship was a reason for me to hone and sharpen my knife, to explain as much as possible to said companion, just what the game was and how they’d never get it. 

Oh, dandy! What a wonderful life, I went from tasting fleeting love, to relationships, which usually ended on lousy notes and had consistently bland flavor to them.
So I walked away, I knew something was wrong and I stopped going out with people.  I realized my clock was way off, my personal equilibrium and harmony was shot, nothing short of being alone and meditating would fix that.  So it’s what I did and it sucked and I was lonely and frustrated and I stayed horny forever, but I came back a little more whole then the last time.  I’d done a lot to discard the growing bitter center that had blocked the valves of my heart and I have begun to look optimistically at things and it’s better.

What I learned is this and it’s something I’m reminded of daily in the action of others.  What we bring to relationships should be ourselves, not our past, nor a guarantee on the future, but just a clear sense of judgement, a ripe heart of emotion and a willingness to jump into the unknown, grab the fruit of life and fight off our fears… The day you let someone change your life so drastically and so negatively that you brick off that portion of yourself, is a sad day, not only for you, but for the people who never experience all of who you are/were/could be.

This realization is KungFu

read the next piece: Recently pharmaceutical companies have created an industry of tweaking the chemicals in our body that contribute to depression and dysfunction.  

Please note this shouldn't kill the mystique of love, but it should be noted that love while symbolic and very visceral, is still an investment of time and effort, the synnergy of two
people. You kinda gotta make it work

So yeah I do love you. Love aint everything though, so if you want to make the effort, it's an amazing thing we can share in. or it's something we can feel thatwe never do anything with.