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dir/old_school/rant: T h e P o e t r y P a r t y |
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I wrote this piece originally in the summer of
2000 after a strange, big budget party that Jonnie-of Unlikely- and I threw
for some local poetry scene people, few of whom came. After writing
the piece I decided not to post it, for a number of reasons. In the
scheme of things I’ll say this, it doesn’t matter, none of it did, there
is better shit to dwell on. Some of us are assholes some of the time.
Some of us are assholes all of the time. In most cases we are rarely
the assholes you think we are.
In the end we all really did have a good time. I remember being pissed when I wrote it and felt wary that I might cut close to the bone, but as it has sat, it has grown more humorous and less pissy. So hopefully you’ll dig it and take some useful morsel from it as well. This is probably my oddest piece to date. I expect little good to come from it except my odd sense of fulfilling a need to be honest and getting things out. The dynamic of my relationships have changed in the last few months. I feel free and open and better. I feel much better. To give a breakdown, I've begun cutting the negative people out of my life and cut isn't a good word. To be more fair I have been a impartial observer to shitty things my friends do to other people. This is a break down folks, not a lesson, just maybe the land mark...In this particular piece I'm going to give tons of advice that will help on the essentials to throwing a good party. How to throw a good party
Troubleshooting Of course not all parties go like that here are some insider tips that the pro's use to always rescue or circumvent the wrecks, some of these problems can be avoided before the first guest arrives at the party, they are common sense. These tips are in no particular order When people offer to bring something, let them. On average-this is a fact, about half the people you invite usually come to your party, everyone who Is considerate enough to offer to bring something should be taken up on their offer, they are also the people most likely too appear. "I got it man" or "It's cool, I did everything"
Avoid the temptation to co-host the party with someone else. You know how to throw a good party, assume they don't...Sure fired signs that your potential co-host is dud material is if people don't like him much or he goes out of his way to antagonize people. If you are compelled to have a co-host, place him in the always safe Party Planner mode, let him bring the Cocal Cola and napkins. The only good co-host is the wooden pawn co-host, who has no true power to muck things up. For whatever strange reason a party might go bad take charge, this is your party, if you have a co-host he is not to be trusted for he will shriek away from his duties, self-consciously calling the villagers on his own frakenestein connection. Co-host are hideously off key for humor and upbeat actions, occasionally they might have nuggets, but they'll screw it up somehow. The first step to saving your party is to mock your party.
Get everyone in on the joke, make sure they know they are the only ones
who will suffer a horrible night. When other people call to get directions
and run a "Party Check", tell them to stay away, bemoan that their is
no hope. If possible go outside on your balcony, gesture and scream wildly,
always enter the room again calmly. Tell your guests one more person is off
to have a better night then all of them and yourself included. Initiate
Damage Control
Once you have established a repoire with your guests and they now know that this is a party in crisis you will find people willing to help make the party better. Interact with your group as a whole, play up the positive parts, the endless flow of liquor, that you expected to supply to twenty five people instead of say five, the food....ditto. Get everyone drunk. Play simple group games that are derived from the forced flow of conversation. Suggest horrible classic bad party games, but do not play them. Just suggest them, the thought of UNO or Scrabble at a party will put the pressure firmly on the shoulders of your guests to have fun. Imagination and liquor will flow as everyone does their best to avoid a board game. Get everyone more drunk Slam the effigy of the party at every turn, never your
guests, you cannot pick on people at a small number party. In turn if anyone
in the party picks on other people, openly threaten them, the angry
villager syndrome will prevail with your drunken party guests, who are
itching to do something,
When stragglers come to the party, greet them like it is an intervention. They will pale, stragglers are open hunting for humor, until they get a drink, then they are one of you. Relax the party has been saved, now
nurture it and prepare
for the next |