H o r o s c o p e   A r c h i v e
 -p s y c h i c   m u s i n g s   b y   M i c h a e l    G l e n n  a n d   t h e  K u n g  Fu   s t a f f
 

aries -March. 21st-April. 20th-
This week that smell coming from your basement will attract unwanted attention. Sleep as much as possible before your meeting with Bubba in cell block A.


taurus -April. 21st-May 20th- 
The moon will be aligned with Mars and Venus this week. Your boyfriend will make a move toward Uranus.

gemini -May 21st-June 21st-
Being two halves of a whole does not mean you can make idle conversation with yourself in the bank line about killing all your friends and family in a bloody shotgun massacre. Keep it to yourself until the time is right.

cancer -June 22nd-July 22nd- 
Stop fucking around and get your shit together slacker. People will take you more seriously if your change you name to Something-Diddy.

leo -July 23rd-August. 22nd- 
I see a dark haired woman giving you a quick lesson in S and M. Stay away from the P and C.

virgo -August. 23rd-September. 22nd-
Your insufferable personality will cause someone to call you a cocksmoker today...and you are too.

libra -September. 23rd-October. 23rd-
Don't even think about it you'll just fuck it up like usual.

scorpio -October. 24th-November. 22nd-
Yes it is infected and no it wasn't who you think it was. 
Penicillin should fix it but think about fucking one person at a time for a sure cure.

sagittarius -November. 23rd-December. 21st- 
Don't look in your parents sock drawers. One of them is hiding a dirty secret.

capricorn -December. 22nd-January. 20th) 
If it feels like a lie it probably is. Trust no one and wipe twice this week.

aquarius -January. 21st-Feburary. 18th- 
Steer clear of the midget in bicycle shorts. He will bring destruction.

pisces -Feburary. 19th-March. 20th-
A wise man does not seek a large dick but seeks first a woman willing to take it.

The horoscope section is written monthly by Michael Glenn. Known for his accurate dream interpretations and his recent book "Never die in your sleep" Mike can be reached online for reached horoscope readings.