H o r o s c o p e   A r c h i v e
 -p s y c h i c   m u s i n g s   b y   M i c h a e l    G l e n n  a n d   t h e  K u n g  Fu   s t a f f
 

aries -March. 21st-April. 20th-
You’ve stopped daydreaming about killing your coworkers, now you have magazine subscriptions and fantasize about which gun you will buy.


taurus -April. 21st-May 20th- 
No email…again.  No little reminders with smiley faces on your computer, the mailman doesn’t even leave you junk mail. As the information overload goes, you feel left out.

gemini -May 21st-June 21st-
When the girl at the corner store tries to short change you again, pop her in the mouth, this has been going on for too long. 

cancer -June 22nd-July 22nd- 
Your toilet is full of shit and bloodstained toilet paper.  A smoldering cigarette sits on this pile.  You don’t smoke.

leo -July 23rd-August. 22nd- 
The movie guy who thinks he is Tarantino will accuse you of bringing in three movies late.  You should argue this one.  Admit that the Faces of Death and the bestiality flick from Holland were yours, but don’t take any shit on the knock off Disney flick.  Stand your ground, the planets alignment is in your favor

virgo -August. 23rd-September. 22nd-
 The car ahead has a bumper sticker that say F*ck you.  It’s ok to cry.

libra -September. 23rd-October. 23rd-
All day long you couldn’t get a file to work, when you finally got the company computer guy to come over, he made it work with no problem.  When you ask what he did he shrugged and smiled.  He is in fact, fucking with your head.

scorpio -October. 24th-November. 22nd-
Today somewhere, a person who is your perfect mate, found your personal online, they didn’t like how you wrote IN ALL CAPpS AN MISPELD AL UR WERDS 

sagittarius -November. 23rd-December. 21st- 
Everyone tries to give you advice.  You never listen. Finances, romance and your future look like a twenty car pile up at rush hour.  Keep the faith though, reading your horoscope is one of the better ways to make serious decisions in life.

capricorn -December. 22nd-January. 20th) 
Your cat died today, the neighbors dog, shook it until the light went from it’s eyes.  The beast then smiled and looked at you.,.  Beware the dog.

aquarius -January. 21st-Feburary. 18th- 
You write poetry, keep it in a spiral bound from high school, that still has algebra Notes in the first few pages.  You don’t show your poetry to anyone.  You should never show it to anyone. Your love life looks dismal.

pisces -Feburary. 19th-March. 20th-
You knocked on the door, rang the doorbell, waited and tried it all again. Later your mother told you that she thought you were a Jehovah witness.

 The horoscope section is written monthly by Michael Glenn.  Known for his accurate dream interpretations and his recent book "Never die in your sleep" Mike can be reached online for private horoscope readings.