dir/old_school/rant: A fork in the road

Relationships are a gamble and taking in the analogy; let us think of the lights of Vegas. I've heard you can see Vegas for miles from the sky and far far away as you approach it by land. If there is some mythical place, where ideas are laid down like dead soldiers, buried with sword and shield…Vegas must surely be that place.

So it's always been in relationships where I take the greatest gambles. I won't bore you with analogies of poker and Blackjack. I will not talk of oxygenated air conditioning or the flesh, the greed and blindness that take so many souls and bury them beneath the neon glow.

Take caution, take breath, take hope and wishes and throw them in the legendary "fountain of long shots". It's on the hallowed ground of your Vegas soul that the degenerate part of yourself will come forward. I've pulled my pockets out and laid ruin to the hollow of my wallet, trying to get my wish. And the rules are easy, and the chances are pretty slim, but the promise of riches and great things is tantalizing. It doesn't matter that even the act of winning seems so short from what you're promised when you come to lose at the table of love.

In the last few years, I've had relationships that tore me down and a blur of relationships that I used to sustain myself. I have become a cold person and feel that while I may be ahead in the game, I am still missing something, something that I lost before I ever got to resentment. Friends, let me propose that while the world is full of people who have issues with God, it is overburdened with the bitter taste that so many more of us feel when in the wake of love.

So by the very nature of my analogy and my own personal observation on life, I say that we are fools and that what we try to take from love, from that glowing spot which dreams are hoped for and nightmares created, does not exist. Love as we know it has become a tragedy of misguided personal destiny and a victim of idealism.

Love cannot and will not be taken, it is the only thing which every single one of us is driven to not allow to happen, mostly, it's because we are too busy trying to take it ourselves, to let some other motherfucker take it from us. So we stack love with long shot numbers, we play to the under dog and never smell a fix in the numbers, cause I'll be damned that for as long as we love love, we trust love and that makes for a lot of misguided devoted fools.

Love is silent and that voice you hear in your head is not love, that voice is some selfish id that drives almost every act of conviction and fervor that we muster in the name of Love. Love has driven slowly around the world in a white bronco and has been accused of the murder of every heart it has touched, except for those hopeful degenerates and the scant lucky winners to be found. Love is a lie and we pass it from one end of the classroom, to the other, until what it originally meant is so changed in our head, that we one day grow to fear and hate it. Not knowing that we fear and hate some very significant portion of ourselves and every person we meet who cannot love that unlovable creature we house in the caves of our spirit is a sonuvabitch.

KungFu has an will always be that infomercial where I proclaim my innocence and give a number where you can call in any tips you may know about the "true crime" or donate to my legal defense fund. And when you walk through the bookstore of life, you'll buy a copy of my book, disgusted, only sharing thoughts with the odd friend or two who has also bought the book, not because you believe my innocence, but because, there is nothing better then reading the words of a person who you not only do not believe, but also find contempt for.