"Fred" he replies.

"Fred what?" the officer asks.

"Just Fred" the man responds. 

When the officer presses him for a last name, the man tells him that he used to have a last name but lost it. The officer thinks he has a nutcase on his hands but plays along with it.

"Tell me Fred, how did you lose your last name?"

The man replies:

"It's a long story so stay with me. I was born Fred Dingaling. I know, funny last name. The kids used to tease me all the time. So I stayed to myself. I studied hard and got good grades. When I got older I realized
that I wanted to be a doctor. I went through college, medical school, internship, residency, finally got my degree so I was Fred Dingaling, MD.

After a while I got bored being a doctor so I decided to go back to school. Dentistry was my dream. Got all the way through school, got my degree so I was now Fred Dingaling MD DDS. Got bored doing dentistry so I
started fooling around with my assistant. She gave me VD. So, I was Fred Dingaling MD DDS with VD. Well, the ADA found out about the VD so they took away my DDS so I was Fred Dingaling MD with VD.

Then the AMA found out about the ADA taking away my DDS because of the VD, so they took away my MD leaving me as Fred Dingaling with VD. Then the VD
took away my dingaling so now I'm just Fred."

The officer let him go without even a warning.

2.
 

The cannibal went to the witch doctor complaining of an upset stomach after eating his last meal. The witch doctor queried him about what he had
eaten.

The cannibal replied, "I had one of those guys who wears a hooded robe with a knotted rope down the side, and he was carrying a rosary."

"Well, how did you cook him?" the witch doctor asked. 

"I boiled him." he replied. 

"Well, that's your problem, you prepared him all wrong." said the witch doctor, "You should have known he was a friar!"

3.
Savvy Sadie

Mrs. Vanderbilt sent her daughter, Sadie, to buy some groceries at the local market.  On the way, Sadie met some boys who asked her to climb up a
tree and get them some fruit. She complied.

Then she went off and bought the groceries. When she returned home her mom
greeted her at the door.

Mrs. Vanderbilt asked, "Why did you take so long?"

Sadie replied, "I met some boys who asked me to climb up a tree and fetch them some fruit."

Mrs. Vanderbilt said, "Sadie, you should know that when boys ask you to climb up a tree, all they want is to see your underwear. You shouldn't have done it."

Sadie responded, "Mother, don't you think I know that?!!! That's why I took it off before climbing up the tree."

4.

One morning the husband returned after several hours of fishing and decided to take a short nap. The wife decided to take the boat out. She was not
familiar with the lake, so she rowed out, anchored the boat, and started reading her book.  Along comes the warden in his boat, pulls up alongside
and says, "Good morning, Ma'am. What are you doing?

"Reading my book", she replies as she thinks to herself --is this guy blind or what?

"You're in a restricted fishing area," he informs her.

"But officer, I'm not fishing. Can't you see that?

"But you have all this equipment, Ma'am. I'll have to take you in and write you up."

"If you do that I will charge you with rape," the irate woman snaps back.

"I didn't even touch you," says the sheriff.

"Yes, that's true --- but you have all the equipment.

5.

 My god! What happened to you?" the bartender asked Kelly as he hobbled in on a crutch, one arm in a cast.

"I got in a tiff with Riley."

"Riley? He's just a wee fellow," the barkeep said surprised.

"He must have had something in his hand."

"That he did," Kelly said. "A shovel it was."

"Dear Lord. Didn't you have anything in your hand?"

"Aye, that I did--Mrs. Riley's left tit." Kelly said. "And a beautiful thing it was, but not much use in a fight!"

Hm...