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dir/new_school/rant: E d i t o r i a l |
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I have been ragging on my ex girlfriend Bronwyn a bit lately.
Bronwyn and I had a interesting relationship, it was one of those relationships
where you knew it was the right person at the wrong time. And in that time we
were no good for each other. I guess the truth is that I fell pretty hard for
Bronwyn. It was that kinda hard, where you’re constantly jealous and unsure of
your place in the relationship. Bronwyn sat somewhere in that "I want a
relationship, but not a very serious relationship" Close regulars of the
KungFu Show could have told you that hijinks were soon to occur.
Loving and being a part of Bronwyns life was a dance of availability. I constantly wanted to be with her, but neither she nor I had such a personality where we needed the other full time. The problem in part time love is finding that time simultaneously. So that neither one of you sit at home lamenting about being alone while in the middle of a relationship. We never quite caught the rhythm. This was my only relationship with an older babe, where I actually felt fairly insecure most of the time. Bronwyn had already gone around the road, marriage, then divorce, a young son, asshole ex-husband, a solid job. I was the Gypsy computer guy, constantly moving, still trying to find myself, desperately wanting the married life and still not quite finished with being single. Bronwyn was the sexy free hippie girl who could confide in all her affairs and relationships. Hell! I was still repressed in some ways, everything was shocking. I was dating the sexually free, housewife. The emotions of feeling strongly for another person are hard to describe. It was like the IceStorm. Bronwyn never did anything evil or even horrible, she was just caught up in her own world and we all do that sometimes. Living alone changed all that for me though. It was a different situation, and while Bronwyn and I drifted through post relationship terms. I was taking on a whole new perspective about relationships. And to be free of that emotional longing to make everything work with Bronwyn, I loaded up on high octance asshole and severed the relationship with a vengeance. It was all really too much for me and I couldn’t stand to hang in the emotional limbo. Though in hindsight, had I told Bronwyn that I just couldn’t handle the emotional strain of being madly in love with her and would she mind running the fuck away from me, she probably would have consented. Bronwyn and I have recently patched things up. Not in the getting back together kinda way, just that we’re "cool" and don’t begrudge the situation. And this is pennies for the dollars I have spent, in love and hate, on this site, speaking of her. If anyone tries to tell you that your feelings for another pass, it’s not true, I still love her as much as I did when we were together. Some people kill for love, others die for it, I whined and raged. She taught me a lot about life and relationships. You do your best to make amends. So, here where I started this site, mostly talking about her in one veiled way or another, I speak about her again, this time to apologize and set the record straight… |