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dir/old_school/rant: A c c o u n t a b i l i t y |
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It’s obvious that
I hang on to the past and fall so foolishly into my future. So many
of us move on and never look back that I feel like it’s my job to remember.
Accountability it seems is a dirty word though. My interactions constantly
seem to be an ever widening tension between people who are closest in my
life, never wanting to account for there actions, Friends and lovers both
want to say
“Dude that was a while ago” Or “Do we have to talk about that?” “Well I just can’t remember that….” To which I will genuinely say fuck you and fuck that, what’s wrong with my memory that it’s so good? Why should I not reflect on the past as a reflection of say selfishness, lies, deception, convenient omissions. It’s an amazing concept
that people, have stretched the little white lie, to mass proportions.
“You think too much” “Why do you dwell on stuff” The all time favorite being “Stop analyzing and just read what I mean” The truth about us today is that we don’t want conflict, we’ve become a nation of non confrontational people, email has none of the heart or character or breath of words, written or spoken, yet it is our new medium. Email has disastrous implications as it takes and strips the character from expression, everything is an analytical assessment of what the person wrote. With handwriting, we can mark the pace and style, with sound we hear inflections that tell us of mild amusement, or veiled anger. With email, unless you have a very distinctive writing style and you have already created an imprint of your style and character upon the person you correspond with, all is lost. In a world of little white lies and emails that only add breath to confusion. I’m not exactly sure of the new rules of engagement. You lie, you fib, you don’t tell the truth, I’ll know it, and it’s just dumb to do with me. You take on the revisionist practices of rewriting your past and our interactions, I notice it. The truth is that we’re just all kinda shitty and we all treat each other kinda shitty and when did the memo go out that if a relationship or friendship, becomes too much of a burden ditch it? I missed that memo. I strive to express myself honestly, but people don’t like it, they are offended, I come on to strong. I ask for total honestly, but the whiteness, which covers the truth, spills so quickly out of your mouth that I am always blinded with the fascination of why lie about something so small or large? To avoid a few minutes of discomfort, to not have to deal with my disapproval or not like the fact that I’m disappointed, which makes you feel bad, but doesn’t stop you from lying to me. You live for the future, the hope that all will be well and no big issues will come up. I live for the past hoping you won’t continue the same betrayals that you have for so long now. I have met few
people who I respect anymore, just in the walk of life, few people who
seem to have any moral ground or standing….everything is just "me me me".
Selfish… |